one tough day

im anticipating one long entry here
if u're gonna get bored
leave

got to skl in morn for swim meet
actually didnt need to go early
but roy needed some revision
so went abit earlier
didnt really tich him much tho
wasnt really needed

with some excellent swimming
from russel irv and weichen
and one lousy swim from me
tkk snapped up e relay gold
and a record
so despite swimming like
1 whole second slower den my best
im part of that team
yes unfair
but it sure feels damn good

class relay was...
say bad for me
i did a miserable 29.01
but anwz
credit to irv again
for that final chase
ending us with 3rd
.4s behind e second
.14s infront of fourth
kudos

when all was said and done
tkk had for once won
first or second from e back for 3yrs
we swept first this year
sweet
considering tt its our weakest area
so all thanks to
our super inspiring and capable hse capt
wonder who

rushed like crazy to turf city
race cum team selection

16.51
not happee
but only haf myself to blame
the plan was good
but my mind gave in
and im a full minute behind my best
something's not right

its also interesting to see
jurong come outta no where
to beat like everybody
they beat us to first or so ive heard
vs ran without talisman ah hua
or so they did
but something struck him somewhere
i dunno

organizers took a freaking 1.5hrs
to tabulate e results
was running late for cell
yes i missed service already
so when i left
they started prize presentation
gahhh
dun care


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Maybe I'm tired. My interest in everything is displaced. Save cross-country. Perhaps in the midst of breaking the habit, I broke more than my routines and desires. Something has taken over me. I can't put a finger to it but it's changing me rather drastically. The single-mindedness frightens me a little. I feel I've become colder and perhaps a little... Sinister? I have the faintest of ideas.

How permanent will this change be? Will I be able to unbreak the broken? Personal history suggests against this. Over the years, my temper seems to have been kept in a slow cooker, gradually heating up. I still can hold my fury back, but with much less restraint than before. Especially during this period of the year, when my string's not as thick as before. I mistreat people, I disregard others. Right now only God is holding me back from expressing all these outwardly. And I am glad that God will always be there to pull on the reins. However I still do wish to be nice and all, more willingly. It's not in my nature I guess, to be a person who puts others before myself and to go all out to walk with them in their darkest moments of their lives. Is there a way to cultivate this value? I seem to be unable to grasp this concept, regardless of how fundamental it appears. I'm sort of tired of putting on masks that show how nice and cheery I am. Indeed, contrary to what most may think, I do find it a chore to keep up with the image I put up. I have in fact a stinking attitude.


still here?
thanks