me

i've just been reading some of my older entries
i really miss the old me
i cannot find that khing in the mirror nowadays
i cannot see that spark in my eyes anymore

i remember bongard telling me that one training
and it reverberated in me so strongly
"you've lost that spark in your eyes"
i was a failure then
but i picked up again thereafter
i know how i did it

i need god
i need the love of my life to come back from china
i need acx

i need all these things to fall into place
i need the old khing to come back
i need that arrogant confidence,
the positiveness
the strength
but of course the looks have remained
i still stun myself when i look in the mirror
i wished i still could make more jokes like that
like the old me would
like the old me would say it isn't a joke
i'm not so sure now

book out

booking out is such a rarity now
things change very quickly
when you're in the outside world for a limited period
you book out after an endless stay in safti
and you realise that there are many new things
or many forgotten things out there
such as new buildings
realising that there are more than 20 females in the outside world
and finding the voice behind ash of pokemon going through puberty

i've also forgotten how to style my hair
how to take my time doing everything
how to wake up late
and why i wake up so freaking early

i've also forgotten who i was
so i've opened the last 200 entries in my blog again
bar the ones back at bigbloggybloodyblog.blogspot
share me with me

dunn

i dunno how to blog now

ocs

i never had a liking for premier institutes
but here in this phase of my life
i'm stuck at another
after this i wish i can choose not to step into one
they're very artificial,
and i don't like it.

i've learnt where i am now
to despise discipline
and to resent teamwork.
i have learned to fear
unlearnt how to be brave
thank god i still have kept my christianity
but the institution has undone its very mission
i hate it here