Moved!

I've moved! I no longer update this blog it belongs to pubescent me.

Go here to read second pubery me:
www.seekhingthoughts.blogspot.com

from whence i came

how has it gone?

up from this stupor,

splitting sleepy yellow sands

hearken from where i come;

how far have you gone?

up, up from your well!

...and see in the water, your reflection

tug more gently on my beating strings

for it's fragmented, worn from trivial things

within dire and under ire

flesh and blood must surely tire

trumped the racket in my solitude

far deeper, further you intrude

till alone turns to lonely

and ego strangles self wretchedly

i break from my canter

and drop to the ground

take a sigh, find my center

look up towards where i am bound

over my shoulder i try to see

if the way i've took is worth the while

invariably i still see me

clawing, crawling - with a smile

section

went cycling for section outing just a while ago

i thought the whole journey was very poignant;

it looked a reflection of our ministry's direction

we set out with a vision of a promised land:

somewhere the leaders knew

but those who followed did not

a land overflowing with milk and honey

err i mean great wind and scenery

nevertheless, everyone followed

covering the rear as last man,

there were some noisy deraileurs and gears

because there was a misalignment

of a few bike chains

it took a desire from me to smooth out their ride

and a willingness of theirs to listen

and together, we ironed out their kinks

and were on our way

heading towards destination

on the path of least resistance

along the way

rain threatened to, well, rain on our parade

we took several pit stops

surveyed the weather

and saw that the dark clouds were catching up on us

instead of hiding and being caught in the rain,

we pressed on towards the plan set before us

to bring everyone out of the impending storm

(it didnt rain btw, but not the point!)

we didn't reach the promised land either

but we were out of the rain

and within striking distance of the place

as pierre de coubertin put it:

"the essential thing is not to have conquered

but to have fought well"

kasi

today i watched kasi run his swansong 5k

and the image wound the clock back a few years

if i could, i would have ordered the entire current acx down

to watch him run

im so proud of kasi

even though like he didnt get top3 or top8 or anything

he really really fought

the race was started badly

but he never gave up

even though there was nothing to fight for

kasi sped up at the most painful parts of the 5k

and ran with a beautiful form

i guess not everyone could have spotted it

but these few months with kasi

i found that though he had weak will

he had the strongest mentality

and he went for it even though it was always out of his reach

he's the only one left in acx with the fire in his eyes

today kasi translated that into sheer willpower

and truly it was soul to sole

its just too bad he had nothing to show for it

but im really really damn proud of my vice captain

watching him run gave me goosebumps today

and i felt really inspired watching my kasi run

go kasi

i am employed

for those of you who haven't been updated

i've finally gotten off my butt, got a job:

i'm assistant coach for acx back in sch

to answer the usual preceding question,

i'm being paid well enough

but by session instead of by the hour

4 times a week, roughly 3 hours a session

these next few days however

is the sch's track&field meet

and like today

i'll be working like 5-6 hours

and will still be getting paid by the session

but i really don't mind one bit

cuz i really love my job

and it really anchors the conviction

that i must do something i enjoy in the future

i think the team is shaping up really well

much better than my initial thoughts before i saw the guys

and it took me back to when i was in their position

thumping the track, forcing out 3:18s

remembered how it was like to believe in the impossible

and, together with my team, my brothers

rendered it possible

my job now is to bring that back

because the boys already have what it takes

but don't know that they do

if they would just believe

"the bell will ring for he who believes"

it's not that hard

because i do believe in them

i love my job

back to ib

i started off friday the usual way

i overslept the lunch i was supposed to have with melvin in school

but nonetheless made it down to have my $2 magi add vege at around 2pm

first teacher i bumped into was ong siu lian

the one whose veins pops out when she carries an empty paper bag

simple hi, bye

i remembered how she was so excited

when she saw me join the chinese karaoke competition in year 6

cos she knew for sure i was gonna sing something from out of her generation

then there was terence chiew

much skinnier than the last time i saw him

he looked like a stickman

as usual he recounted to us about his sporting adventures

this time a 333km track across some desert

the usual parting shot for a teacher meeting old students might sound like

"all right guys, wish you all the best!"

very thiru sounding

i can still picture her merlion-ing politically correct comments

but of course, this was terence chiew

"i really appeared on the news! go google 'newpaper terence chiew' "

at this juncture i went to the irreplacable sac

had my noodles

and for nostalgia's sake

had 50 cents ribena, milo peng and blueberry tart

although i bemoan the shrinking size of the ribena cup

i must commend the apparent R&D that they did on the tart

we went to visit our pioneer batch mural after that

i looked for the little note that i scribbled on that board 3 years back

took in the pointlessness of that little sentence

and found comfort in that i haven't changed much

"If you notice this notice, you'll notice that this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

i went separate ways from melvin and gang thereafter

and spent the next hour sitting and gazing in the sac

greeted teachers who no longer recognized me

bought food from vendors who pointed me out straightaway

looked around at tables and replaced the strangers

with images of those i knew

i saw again the poster of !nk

and was surprised to see karen liau's name on it

so the mighty prefect mistress is back

i wondered if she remembered me

i wondered if she remembered me if not for my surname

i realised i wasn't bothered enough to find out

so i went away and walked

i walked down the corridors and alleys

retraced the familiar routes that i used to take

walked past the b3 classrooms

remembered one valentine's day

when i put that present that took me 9 hours to make in the locker

and made it supremely sandy

i descended the spiral staircase

remembering always to look out for shadows of those coming up

i arrived at the teacher's office

wondered if i wanted to see anyone

wondered if anyone wanted to see me

and like all those times back in school

i turned and walked the other corridors and alleys

i walked past the newly refurbished library

and remembered the cosy, dim library of old

remembered how everyone abused the computers in there

remembered how i always pretended to study in there

i walked to the track via the small path by the library

remembered my 3rd ankle sprain

remembered the deep breaths i always took

as i left the books

and hit the track

i walked past the basketball courts

and tried to wonder something

but it left me as i thought

so i walked again, to the track

i sat at the steps leading up to the boarding school

facing the track

and half-watched the rugby game that went on

i remembered the cheering committee

remembered the last rugby game i watched in uniform

i saw some ruggers sprinting with parachutes for training

thought to myself

"that's not the way to run"

and felt a sensation course through my veins

and saw myself sprinting down the track

black top, red spikes

dark sky, red track

i watched as i rounded the bend

i remembered to swing my right arm more

i felt the tapping on the balls of my feet

i felt the spikes dig into the track

and then i felt the run

i walked back to the main building again

i walked, wondering what i was wandering for

i realised i was looking for something

but couldn't really place it

i came to the circular classroom

remembered the hours feng and i put into the prom dance

i walked some more

and realised i was looking for someone

but i couldn't tell who

i looked down the ib building

saw the pond and remembered fabian the catfish

remembered poking fabian

remembered playing frisbee there

when we were supposed to study

i walked around more

hoping to see someone

i wondered who that was

was it dear old oldham?

i realised i wasn't finding out

so i left

and spontaneously,

like always,

spontaneously,

i went to cut my hair

Trust

A few days back I wanted to go for a run. Crossing the stream that runs outside my house, I noticed from the corner of my eye a little birdie swimming towards me. Upon closer inspection, I realised that it was struggling quite abit. I scooped it out of the water, and it trembled in my hands. I could tell it was trying to flee, but lacked the strength to do so. Its feet tried clawing at my hands as i laid it down on my house patio. I left it there for it to dry, thinking it might fly away after that, so I went to run.

Coming back from my run, I realised the little bird creature had snuck under the table, hidden among the table cloth. I fed it some ikan bilis and left it there. After a while I decided to pat the little thing, but it shirked away and shrieked at me.

Suddenly God spoke to my heart.

I scooped you up from the raging depths and gave you life. I cared for you and provided for your needs. I wanted but to touch you, yet you withheld yourself from my hand and cried out against me.

The bird hopped out from under the table and peered at me. The past 2 months have been an awakening for me; I have never heard my God speak so clearly to me. I have been called for a time such as this, but I remained apprehensive. I looked at the little creature and thought about everything that has happened - two entire months of coincidences, of very focused coincidences. I named the little thing Trust.


I watched Trust hop towards a little corner where it looked really comfortable.




Slowly, Trust sat down on its legs. I watched as its little claws came together and its little feet joined, like in prayer.




So I prayed along and realised that finally, God, I really believe, and I know how to trust.

090909

oh nose!
i forgot to jump at 090909, 090909!
that would have made me not of this earth at that moment

anw
CHAI CHEE BAK CHOR MEE IS BACCKKKK
oh my blue son

when it disappeared i was like :'(
i tot they went for good but but but
they just moved next door only!
now revamp until v atas
got set meal, got theme
and they added a slice of abalone into the noodles
GAHHHH

run run

i'm running safsa cross next month
so for this month
boss give offs every 1, 3, 5
go macs run run

today sit on the bus
looked out the window and stoned
such a familiar feeling
a humming in my legs
and the sizzling in my butt

i've run again

sunday in camp

it's a glorious sunday afternoon to spend in camp
i've resorted to blogging to while my time away
so far i've read 4 newspapers,
beat my high score at bubble spinner
come close to my word challenge high score many times
checked on the guards
taken 45mins to eat my measly lunch
picked up single items from my office on multiple trips

so far i've succeeded in burning 5 hours
about 19 more to go
i'll try to give 12 of those to sleep
at random instances and at random places

i've ran out of newspapers
my eyes are drying up from staring at this screen
and im tired of both standing and sitting

at least if it stays this way till tomorrow morning
i can relax and grow more brain
of which of course i already have in abundance
but more wouldnt hurt my chances at breaking
my word challenge high score

`tis my first time doing a weekend one
there's nobody in camp
ghost maybe have

think i have a bbq at home later
which i wont be at cuz im stuck down here
hoping nothing happens till i hand over

lets see if i werent here
i'd probably take a rare walk down orchard road
then i'll linger around orchard boulevard at the right time
then when the clock strikes 8:22pm i'd come to attention
and recite the national pledge there and then

by the time i reach this sentence
i'd have read the above at least 8 times
for whatever reason i cannot tell
except to inspire myself to type more
and waste away another 10mins

i cant believe it takes weekend duty
to finally get myself to blog longer than 3 sms length

from now till tomorrow
i think i'll take a few long long showers
play abit of pool ALONE
play alot of word challenge and bubble spinner
re-re-re-read maybe a quarter of the bible
blog a few entries
do many chin ups
sleep at random instances at random places
oh man i got nothing left to type

McFinish

my mc finito alr
veh sad tomorrow must go work
at least its wednesday alr
then maybe thursday take off
friday as good as a half day
and friday got IHAL echo!
heh just got the sms on that
v good v good

i wld release i is got many at IHAL echo
but nowsaday no rehearsals
v hard to have any inspiration
everything at work all so monotone
no laife!
just now stare at the script many many
but nothing nothing come out

in other news
i havent been running enough
and probably cant run till end of the week or smtg
which will be duty day
then rest next day
then it'll be too late to train alr
oh mans
gahh i don wanna run 21

today i learned
that Jason Mraz's I'm Yours
is not conducive to gek sai-ing

day!

THERE'S SPONGEBOB MARATHON NOWWW
i watched like 8 episodes alr
so exciting can

but im too tired to carry on
quite sad but too bad

anw my dad saw the word spongebob
on the top right hand corner of the tv
then he asked in chinese
if it was SPONGEBOB
or SPONGE808
like sponge ba ling ba
haha quite funny

officer's sword

recently lta leoel's officer sword kena oxidise
so if one day need to use for parade
he really eat energy
so now i cleaning my one oso
need to oil it some time

wiping the blade with one of my shirts
i wondered abt the meaning of the sword
how come saf spend money every batch
to give each officer an engraved sword

i heard in older, less tactical times
like before a battle started
the officers will draw their swords
then raise it at the enemy then the men will charge

of course in 3G battles nowadays
the sword will b super in the way
it'd be shiny, noisy, cumbersome
and of course, when we sit on the field chair
the sword will very din teh

but nowsdays officers
don seem to be held in such regard anymore
esp with so many nsf 2lt like me
got no men to command
need to rapport with other ppl's men to get work done
then in the end become more like friend
at most they get awed at how fit u are
or how much pay u get each month
but that's really about it

the officer nowsaday to me ah
abit less of prestige
abit less of honor
abit less of carrying your platoon on ur shoulders
but more of doing work
more of troubleshooters
more of doing cover work

in a way is closer to the office part of officer
then where come the operational side?
go war got knowledge, got planning, got thinking is good
but no c2, no mandate
is how??
this is cannor!
but is liddat

snail burn

snail!
i saw it somewhere outside my house
so i went home
and despite my tiredness
got a spoon of salt
and went out to melt the snail
got the squeaky squeaky sound
dunno is snail melting sound
or snail screaming sound

i'm still a boy
ns havent make me boy to man yet

iHAL residue

eh i think the iHAL WDS
(wiff drawer simpsoms)
got huge effect on me
i anyhowly blog only
then all the lines come out
in that last entry

then today i caught a sight of myself
in a mirror somewhere in camp
then i realised my officer seh gone!
i was standing on one leg,
shaking the other
hands on my hips, elbows back
head cocked to one side
dunno look like what
you is know?

eh reading my recent entries
realised all bleak bleak one
not like last time
when this blog still flourishing
see la
nong nong a time ago alr say
sad sad emo emo is no one will come
but still got those ppl out there
thick eye shadow with face-covering fringe

but anws
now gonna ord
must start picking up the hweeling again

as a matter in fact
i started counting down alr
today shld be 70+ workdays left
including saturdays
a few more offs here and there
and vua la,
what is it we have here?
oooo ord personnel, i see

then i also started getting fitter
ran my 16k v v fastly today!
but im not gonna get any bigger
until at least after ahm
otherwise i will die, reanimate,
then kena exorcise

I have a lot

Saturday night was the finale of I Have A Lot
I'm having withdrawal symptoms

At the drawing of the curtains
I went around looking if anyone needed comforting
offering in jest the mummy cloth for tears
maybe a shoulder to cry on

turns out i needed some comforting myself
when i got home i started to cry
wimper even
like how i felt 2 years back
that last race, those last runs, my last 3:18

in fact, on the 2nd week of july
i realised this was gonna end
and i cherished every rehearsal
every bit and inch of I Have A Lot
i looked forward to practice after work
i lingered on after rehearsals
i took in everyone,
took in the colors we brought
to the dull looking space outside LT1

i wish i could do more for this group of ppl
and so i did I Is Got Many

i'm also very thankful i didnt fit leslie
and landed the johnny job instead
it's not that i played johnny well
but more because johnny was a part of me
way back during the happiest period of my life
i loved playing johnny
and in this God spoke and taught me so many things
i will always remember johnny now

i still say my lines when i shower
and now i spend a little more time washing off the tears
it was such a wonderful thing that God did
i can't bear to see it end like this
heaven must feel at least like this

serving God is exhilirating
i want to serve God all my life

my body is aching in various parts
some of which i never knew existed
they hurt when i move
and i'm lovin it.
lets me know im growing
for those who havent seen me for a long time
i've become this skinny dude
small, unfit and in pixelised green
running 9.03 for 2.4 at all out,
salivating down my chest pace

apart from that
i'm really quite tired out
after work go rehearsal
after rehearsal go home sleep
wake up then rinse and repeat
so took a half day off today
would have left earlier
but went to the mess to play pool
now office nobody
only got ghost

on another note i like my new earphones
very fitting and quite clear
the noise cancellation quite good also
keep having ppl tap me on the shoulder
cuz i really cldnt hear anything
now got more personal touch at work

new uniform

equipped with the new uniform today
i guess can speak abt it right
since it's so widely publicized

doesnt feel as different as i thought it would
i still cant feel the cool air
when i blow onto it
it is see through under light though

the most important thing i learnt though
was in the pants
some parts were designed to be anti-abrasion
but others were not
i guess there is some truth
when i heard recruits now cannot use uniform to camo off
cuz off the stitching that might scratch the face
because wearing the old uniform
i could do so without underpants
but apparently with the new one
some parts that weren't meant to get abrasions
because constantly expanding and contracting parts heal slower
got abrasions
i must wear underpants

baptism

i was water baptised today

i used to think it was just a dunk
notwithstanding all the symbolism
that it was just an act, a declaration
nothing more, nothing less

today walking to the pulpit
sharing my life story
taking the dunk

was magical
very, very magical
i regret not basking in it

the downside was that
my mom was non-participating again
and only a small group was there
since they detached it from the main service
meaning i couldn't share my story with more

i love you

switch off that tv.
switch off that tv!
little clowns and little shades!
weeping moms, scheming maids
noble frowns and fancy braids
and yellow sunflowers,
that bumblebee!

fan me my brimstone!
fear me now you opaque mirror
rhyming words and further, further
round and round my gypsy skips
around dazed gnomes with elvish lips
mine, mine, all mine!

stage a play and call me now
call me home and call me kenneth
call on me and i shall know
i shall know that you haved called
calling, calling, I'm calling now
i have been called!
but i have to call
nothing but to call?
call me home and call me kenneth

what a stage i am upon!
where have all the actors gone?
beyond the stars, between the moon -
giggling, smirking, pointing.
I laugh and they echo back
or is that I that echoes back?
hear me now you cheery sticks!
hear my calling and my call
which do i heed and whom to do I yield?

perhaps i have seen!
that my call has led me to.
through darkness and through night
to bring them hope to bring them light
in my stardust i can see
but nothing, and nothing beyond me
deep in the depths red eyes peep
they chatter, they chatter
to disturb my sleep;
this sleep of mine
whatever sleep this is.

i cross my arms
but I lift my hands
see me now, see me now
for who i am.

a rubric's cube is in my hands.
the myriad shifts,
the spectrum goes.
here i have,
here i have!
a jigsaw, unlikely it may be
that came together!
unlikely they were like.
oh can't you see?

sick

my dear ran a 38.8 fever with me!
same time kena the fever also
then we both have sore throat
headache
and nausea.
but i have joint pain
and she's suspected to be turning into a flying pig
because the swine flew

back

i'm back from taiwan
and even though there's no time difference
i'm suffering from some jet lag
can't get to sleep before 4

i think i lost my toothbrush on the way back
come to think of it
i haven't brushed my teeth for a few days now...
i seem to be forgetting things
moving abit slower
lesser and lesser activity
lesser and lesser health
lesser and lesser spark in the eye

this blog is rotting like xb's foot
im too lazy to put the chat box back up also
i think i blog differently from last time
im thinking of how to end this post properly
but like cannot

my officer's creed

My Officer's Creed

My duty is to lead, to excel, and to overcome
It is not to coerce, to punish, or to ease my way
My mission comes before my men
But my men must come before me

I will be the first to enter the battle
and I will be the last to leave it
I am called to fight within the darkness
But I will seek to bring light to it

I will be as impenetrable as night
But I will strike as thunder
I will respect everyone for who they are
I must in humility, act

I am an officer
I am not a slave master

TAXI RANT
i waited for a cab at 4.50
and about 30 cabs were changing shift,
busy, or just ignored me
at 5.06 i boarded a cab
and realised surcharges
start from 5 onwards
nooooooo

2 consecutive friday 13s have gone
i have come away alive with 1 light sprain
and 1 free subway sandwich voucher
what bad luck i have

anw i just woke up from a 12 hour sleep
i came home at 5 yesterday intending to do stuff
but fell straight to sleep and just woke up
v good catching up
but gonna lose it all doing duty later

last week my room was invaded by a rat
i came home to find 2 pieces of shit on my bed
2 on the floor
1 on my chair beside a puddle of piss
my dad thought they were bugs
so he picked them up and squeezed
"mmm... really is rat shit "
then as i was standing by my door
the rat ran past my feet and into my room
so i had to open the patio door to let it out
in the process i shrieked and jumped up
but that wasn't the point

birthday boy

yesterday was
happy birthday!
and happy total defence day.

i planned to spend my birthday
doing things that were very me
but like all plans they always fail

my plans began to go awry from the start;
i actually woke up way before 12pm
like ard 7+ to reach PL mrt at 9 to settle some things
following that, i recovered and did the typical thing
and walked the longer way to the bus stop
then lament at the hot weather for making me sweat so

things continued to go according to plan
when i reached home and plopped myself on the couch
things was still going well when i flipped through channels 32, 33 and 35
looking for some cartoon that i did watch
which usually have la
then i came upon double, back to back episodes
of spongebob squarepants!
however my plans crumbled before my eyes
when i watched 2 episodes i never watched before

after that went to church
and the bus actually came on time hur

left with my qiu qiu to go galvanise
at our lao di fang
then sang loud loud on my way home
got home, lobo doing nothing
then fall asleep too late

dance

i went for rehearsals today for take my hand
its err next friday!!
and today was my first session
we're doing things that require like
kicking out at least 90 degrees to the side
anyone who knows me long enough knows
that i can't touch my toes
when i saw the rehearsal programme like
starts 2 weeks before the event
i know it will all still turn out well
because everything with god always turns out well
ring ring i believe!

the homecoming

forced by circumstances (a.k.a. stadium closed)
i undertook an ardous, reluctant long run
it's been v v long since i last did one
all my running has been speed, speed, speed

today my plan was to get myself lost
then 20mins later, run home

it started off well enough
i didn't dare run too fast
and sure enough
i began turning a darker shade of blue
then i was prompted to include god in my run

and today, my run was exhilirating
thrills ran through my body and soul
pleasures coursed through my veins
pain echoed in my legs
fatigue thundered my lungs
and i've come to truly acknowledge
that all these are part of god's creation

there is the thirst,
then there is the quench
neither meaningful without the other
that is why god said
'I am who I am'
because that is most apt
and that it most enjoyable

and through everything i discovered
that I have been left dry for far too long
i've left god out of my affairs
and i've rung hollow
in today's communion with god,
i found that self that has been missing

i begin to see that we are called to live
in accordance to his will
in that we may not become one kind of christian
but we may experience uniqueness
by following his one law
we do not end up as of one nature
but of individuals, but in absolute freedom
and in this we are not bound

in the same way as i ran and tried to get lost
i always ended up heading home
no matter how i turned or direct bashed
i would come home
and then i realised,
that today, i really did come home

payday

PAYDAYYY
yay now im not peniless
and no need to rely on ppl to return money
which hansel hasnt done so
need to hang pigs head alr
but no money to buy pig head

3you 4jie 3you 2huan
4zai 4jie 3bu 2nan

owe $ pay $

job

i have a sudden craving
for leopard crawls and
fire and movement drills
do until damn shagged
curse myself for ever entertaining the thought
then enjoying the rest of my current job
then till i toy with crawling in mud again

work

yesterday
which was 40mins ago (workday!)
i learnt how to hit my cue ball straight
how to score more foosball (fuus? fools? phoos?) goals
i learned how to defend your air hockey goal better

broke

i'm brokkeee
and ppl owe $ neh pay $
i must dispatch victor to splash paint
hang his head no hang pig head on their door

i also dunno how the money disappeared
must be the officer-to-be tag got to us
when we were still cadets
must act like occifer ma

i'm awake, i'm awake

gah im awake im awake
cant get to sleep
thank god took first half day leave
otherwise i'll be leaving home soon

uploading pictures onto facebook is a chore
esp if it fails 2 times a row
gahh 3 times
gahhh then u realise u got 3 copies of some photos
=(

oh and to whoever still reads this (me)
i tweaked some parts of this blog =)

khingky is back

it's been very long since I last did this thing
i guess probably no one sees this anymore...
things have been happening
but mostly unpublishable
not cuz of explicit content
but cuz now is still in the army
i think its ok to say that i still have 11 months to go
right, msd?

ok im not quite used to this anymore
so i dunno how to go on
i'll just end here this time
maybe i'll blog more again soon

ord

1 more year to ord, o-r, o-r, d!

blogging

i gave up writing my army diary long ago
there's nothing worth writing
where i am, khing didnt come
god came, but somehow stopped there
waiting for the perfect time
and hence i wait, too

080808080808

today, 8/8, i jumped at 8.08am,
at exactly 8s past 8.08am.

at 080808, at 080808hours, i was not of this earth

posting

OH MY GOODNESS
THANK YOU GODD
LOGISTICCCSSSS

i must be the fittest log oct ever
it's a miracle
thank god

field camp

i finally booked out from field camp
its supposedly the highlight of my current term
so better days are ahead

in any case i cant blog anything abt it
the last i heard
someone blogged the name of the exercise
then kena 01 x good one

what i can blog about
is that i think someone up there is hearing me
i think i can find myself again

it was the activity prior to field camp
i stood there in the rain
peering out from under the hood of my jacket
and stared at the gloom of the canopy
i wondered again where i was
who i was
when i was
then i closed my eyes
and said a little prayer

i stood there in the rain
peering out from under the hood of my jacket
and stared at the magnificence of the rain
i watched as the gleaming droplets bounced off the leaves
i saw again the beauty in all the creation
i saw again the hands that crafted creation
i saw
and i was holding a saw =)

it all flashed past
march03, july03, december03, april04, september05, december07
i felt the wetness of the rain on my pants
i felt them wrapping uncomfortably around my legs
i said this is discomfort
i took a breath
i savoured discomfort
and that was discomfort
that was a familiar process
i think i can find me
i think i am coming back

and i still thought so throughout field camp
that is a familiar feeling
i think khing will be back

me

i've just been reading some of my older entries
i really miss the old me
i cannot find that khing in the mirror nowadays
i cannot see that spark in my eyes anymore

i remember bongard telling me that one training
and it reverberated in me so strongly
"you've lost that spark in your eyes"
i was a failure then
but i picked up again thereafter
i know how i did it

i need god
i need the love of my life to come back from china
i need acx

i need all these things to fall into place
i need the old khing to come back
i need that arrogant confidence,
the positiveness
the strength
but of course the looks have remained
i still stun myself when i look in the mirror
i wished i still could make more jokes like that
like the old me would
like the old me would say it isn't a joke
i'm not so sure now

book out

booking out is such a rarity now
things change very quickly
when you're in the outside world for a limited period
you book out after an endless stay in safti
and you realise that there are many new things
or many forgotten things out there
such as new buildings
realising that there are more than 20 females in the outside world
and finding the voice behind ash of pokemon going through puberty

i've also forgotten how to style my hair
how to take my time doing everything
how to wake up late
and why i wake up so freaking early

i've also forgotten who i was
so i've opened the last 200 entries in my blog again
bar the ones back at bigbloggybloodyblog.blogspot
share me with me

dunn

i dunno how to blog now

ocs

i never had a liking for premier institutes
but here in this phase of my life
i'm stuck at another
after this i wish i can choose not to step into one
they're very artificial,
and i don't like it.

i've learnt where i am now
to despise discipline
and to resent teamwork.
i have learned to fear
unlearnt how to be brave
thank god i still have kept my christianity
but the institution has undone its very mission
i hate it here

ocs

off to ocs tomorrow
like kevin said
is dunno whether to laugh or cry
tomorrow we knock on the gates of hell
and for 9 months we'll be burning burning

gahhhh help

9 weeks

9 weeks

This is my flair; this is my flight
In my horrid stare, beyond, a gruesome sight.
I see I saw, I fled in fright.
Tomorrow perhaps, I will still see light.

I'm meant to serve my tenure,
But I am doing time
Behind this mask, my phantom shines.
To dawn and dusk my sleeves unfold
Till long and last I build on gold.

Upon this rock I stand today.
That lighthouse upon the cliff
Perched in lofty haze.
Through the clouds my love shines through
To save me, from this wretched mess.

Across my chest this black metal thumps
In unison my heart beats,
Yet I run a slump.
I cannot trust my charge, regrettably so.
But then the saying, "you reap, you sow".

Still I remain in this prison trapped,
A tranquil, a peace, a peace i seek.
Calm my heart where from you hail,
For i trust no longer, the longer i fear.

HERE'S THE VIDEO
I LOVE AIZAT
abit shaky and some parts cannot see
but its alright aizat is still my hero

there's someone else videoing tho
can someone pls pls pls identify him

in case you're wondering
im the one on your right
shorter in height

day today

results day
very surprised our school did so well
not surprised i did well though
it was more than i deserved
but it seems god has been good to me lately

that was happy

i shaved my head
im bald

that was not happy

AIZAT VIDEOED OUR DANCE

that was very happy
i love aizat

thus far

came back a few days ago from holiday
went with parents, cousin n my woman
to macau shenzhen n hk

basically was alot of rushed fun
and essentially too long to rmb
least of all to blog out
much like the asean schs trip
way way back in august which
i have given up blogging
much like the germany trip years ago

in a few short sentences i shall attempt
to capture the trip in its outline

macau.
as all things macau
our 6 star hotel had a casino
open to 18 year olds
very eye opener
cuz i've never been to one nor tried
and still have not tried
also was the indoor river + boats
beautifulous

shenzhen.
FREE
catered by dad's contacts
who saw the need to treat us
to too much food all the time
shopping was dismal
until the discovery
of the hidden pasar malam
all hell broke loose within my wallet

hk.
also dismal shopping
till the discovery of pasar malam
loose hell broke looser
then also was ocean park
it had the most vertical pirate ship
and some really nauseating rides
of which qiu n i tried only 5

the jellyfish aquarium
was more fish then jelly
cuz we saw tons of fish we never knew
like hybrid shark sting ray
seadragon and such
and only one tiny, 30 by 20 cm tank
of ipod nano sized jellyfish

we also got a video clip
of two pandas climbing a tree and fighting on it
also i saw first hand
the workings of a panda's anus

camp

just had church camp on tues-fri
i still dont like games
and into the first 2 days
the games were wrecking camp for me...

i learnt that god's plans take time
i have heard it before
but never registered
it has been preached before
but because i have never experienced
they remained just preaching to me
i also learned a disdain for words
preaching wouldnt work
if they were just merely the words of a pastor
there needs to be something more
and on day 3
something more happened

the last camp was a disaster for me
god dissipated from my life
i no longer heard nor saw
no longer felt nor thought about
but life was successful
everything was smooth
i got more than i deserved
so life was good
but on day 3 the dissipation reversed
and i realized how much
even with a good life
i missed god
i cried my face out

is your life good today?
can it get any better?

standard chartered

this morning i ran the stand chart 10k
but the focus here isn't the race but
rather what happened after
i was completely wasted
and feeling weak, cold
and the bad feelings get-able
it got worse and i thought i was gonna die
of course that was far from what was happening
the point is at that time it did feel so

and laying there almost motionless
i wondered to myself what happens next
some tears will be shed here and there i guess
or hope, at least
then i realised i wouldn't want any
if i died, i wanted those who cried to know something

that i died happy
i died doing what i loved to do
and let tears cease to fall
i'd pick dropping dead at 3 per k pace
over dying in my sleep peacefully at 83

true, i ran myself to death
but running made me live
i learned so much from running
and quite literally,
running kept me alive
my team mates kept me alive
and so much more would have turned out badly
if i never ran

i thought to myself as i laid there
if i were to die
someone should know this
now you know


on another note
my recent entries have been more
like contemplative and reflective
must be the result of reading the glass bead game
and the lack of training with the team
and being runaround idiots
i will wake up for training

promise

...as he saw it coming. A promise. All around him, voices rang high, sounding out a final anthem in deep nostalgia, as if their spirits looked long and hard over their shoulders. A few tears peeped out of the corners of eyes. The chorus reverberated once again, and it seemed the many voices entwined into one. There was a resonance. A resonance he did not share. A promise he took no part of.

His voice stood apart from the rest, staring listlessly as the myriad of colors twisted into a spire, dancing to the rhythm of fire. Embers swept across the hall with walls that changed colors, destroying the past, forging a future. But for him the destruction was a welcome one. Promise nothing to him.

Cherish, not cherish the lost. For him he felt no such longing. He treasured and rubbished according to his valuation of the things and people around him, not according to the possession of them.

Now onwards he holds his dreams. Into the distance his goals are blur, and others claim them vaguer still. But others were them who imposed their own beings on his own, who took a consensus to live the way that they have lived. He holds a jewel that no one sees in the palm of his hands, believing by faith that it will ever stay, and into the fog he will tread a path, he will take the road not taken... as he always saw it going.

prom

yesterday was our
anglo-chinese school (independent)
international baccalaureate world school's
pioneer batch's first ever, history-making
prom night, very aptly held at marriot
because there's a plaque outside it
displaying the phrase
"To God be the glory"

altho i've never been to no prom before
i thought it was really good
the food wasn't much to rave about though
we ac eX country ppl + vishnu ended up
eating swensens after the entire thing was over

regrettably i left my camera in the
performers/councilors room upstairs
and therefore have no pictures to show
i only hope all the people who did take pictures with me
put them up on facebook and tag it
pls don be selfish and hog them
lets all share the profits of selling my photos

sadly, forgetting to bring down the 2 cameras i brought
meant that our performance wasnt recorded
i tot we did ok but apparently most thought of us better
the things i would do for a video of our performance
it was the culmination of over 50hours of preparation
since exams ended
enough to complete the creativity hours section in cas
i never thought it was gonna be fantastic
even less so did feng
but if everyone else thinks it was closer to that
then that suits me fine

speaking of suits
i think i was in the running for cheapest prom outfit
gordan's doesnt count as an outfit

white shirt - tailored but free! asean schools one
white pants - my sec2 prefect pants still fit me...
i think it cost me $30?
white shoes - bata dress shoes! no one could tell
they were bata $60
white suit - $35 for tuesday to thursday
i rented it from a costume rental shop...
supposed to be a magician's jacket so
kevin was saying if i forgot my dance moves
i should just pull a pigeon or something out
anw mom altered the suit for me =p
she assured me it would hold but throughout
the night i kept feeling the threads snap hur
so i got fatter and fatter as the night wore on

on another note
i always stood by my principle
of non-obligatory helping
meaning if you get someone to do something for you
as a favour
and the person doesnt deliver
it's not his/her/its fault
they were never obliged to help
and i always held firmly to this
but yesterday, under the mist of disappointment
i let this value i always held, slip
i am sorry that forgot this
and i'm sure, though nothing was shown
that i caused some ill feelings
remember: no one is obliged to help
unless the word "help"
is used in a manner to put something nicely

hurts

Recently i downgraded my family holiday, lost training time with my team for these final few months, and lost time to spend with my girl for something that did not have to be. It was avoidable, and I was prepared to do it alone and save time and trouble. I relented. I then had ideas imposed on me and have been very much disregarded and even though at one point I was in a way vindicated, the aforementioned pattern did not cease. Simply put, I was getting stick for being accomodating and doing my best to satisfy what I did not have to satisfy. One day it culminated and for since a very long time ago, i felt anger.

God has called for us as Christians to mellow our tempers, not just on the outside but on the inside as well. I decided, as such, to resolve and douse that inner fire. As things turned out, following this bitterness was an improvement. Things got very much better and I am happy. Perhaps not so if I had decided to claim my rights and unleash my anger. Afterall, I had good reason. I believe in never having to drop anger on anybody, regardless whether you're entitled to doing so or not.

Have you lost your temper today? Have you loved your enemy today?

Have you loved your neighbour today?

me thus far

today most people finish their As
i on the other hand finished an rpg game
heh

since ib ended i've been busier
dancing 3 dances for xmas production
dancing for prom
dancing for camp
training for stand chart
training for beyond that
reading books i wanted to read during ib
getting rid of stuff i used to study for ib
playing lots lots lots of games
eating lots lots lots of rubbish


so there'll be more interesting entries coming up
including that asean schs one back in august
which is gonna be long to compensate for the long blogging absence

chinese karaoke

eh today school's chinese karaoke again
me only year6 very expectedly

long story cut short i got second again
this time wasnt my voice but my err
stage wind? tai feng.
means never create enough the atmosphere la
the champion guy bring gf on stage sia how to lose

and also was my lack of understanding of my song,
gan lan shu. or olive tree.
while i understand that it is an account
of the songwriter's wandering ways
and how it is for the birds, the streams and the grasslands
i fail to catch the crux of the song
which is why the songwriter
constantly dreams of an olive tree
and wanders because of this fictitious olive tree
and then emo about his/her wandering ways

but in any case
quite happy with the result i think its fine
oh and this year they decided to pun the prizes

first prize air tickets
second chicken essence
and third chap teh

in chinese it'll be like
ji piao
ji jing
ji mao or watever u call it sure got ji one.
and how did they further this pun?
they get two sec1s to dress up as chickens
and run around like headless ones
very amusing to watch indeed

well now that's over
it's time to dance
or something else that needs attention
hmmmm. i b exam-ining this sudden hesitation

enlistment

khing is gonna go army
on 11/1
at 1pm
school 1 @ pulau tekong

last day of school

friday was the last day of school
last lessons last recess last end of school all
last time sit in class laugh work rot

on saturday morning i woke up
and i stared into the blank ceiling
and i thought to myself
there's no more school
there's finally no more school

i knew i never liked school
but i never expected this sense of release
i didnt know i was so tired of school

as experience will tell me
and contrary to what others will
i don think i'll come back to miss it again
i cherish what i have
and i will miss them before they end

there is no love loss between me and the school
not the people i guess
but the school generically

the cry of this generation
and the cause of all the adolescent rebellion
is that we are forced to grow up
but are not treated as such
much is expected of us and we have to live up to it
and they justify it by calling us gentlemen and ladies
but when it comes to treating us accordingly
it comes down to pinpointing mistakes
and then dropping expectations
that they don't fulfill themselves

study is a crime.
i am not a school person
those who cannot contain this rapid growth
become what we like to call -
delinquents.
or many of them at least

cold war

10 October 2007
#cq4667 - 2329
Report on the 6.7 Cold War

Definition:
(Cold War) A conflict between two groups due to air-conditioning.

Parties involved:
Top right girls
Bottom left guys

Battlefield:
6.7 Ephesus

Duration of conflict:
Some months

Origins of conflict:
(Geographical) Location of air-conditioning unit C of class 6.7 situated closer to TRG than BLG
(Temperature Tolerance) TRG low tolerance for cold, BLG low tolerance for heat

Therefore air-conditioning unit C cools low-heat tolerance TRG more than high-heat threshold BLG. TRG freezing, BLG sweating. Allocative efficiency not achieved. MC not equals to AR. Dispute over whether air-conditioning should be on or off.

Nature of warfare
Skirmishes: Alternate switching on or off of air-conditioning. Occasional guerilla warfare by attacking air-conditioning controls when the other party is not in class or having recess.


9 October 2007
Bilateral relations deteriorate. Stalemate at air-conditioning closet. TRG blocks off BLG's route to closet.

10 October 2007
Conflict resolved. Phantom peace keeping forces stuff one side of four sided air-conditioning facing TRG with toilet paper. Net cool wind from other three vents become stronger. Allocative efficiency is achieved.

Effects of war:
Inside jokes.

stupid seet

(refering to a picture of dharma 3 years ago)

seet: aye dharma last time damn slim ah now liddat
khing: ppl just give birth la u give birth i see how slim u stay
seet: eh my mother how steady so slim
khing: dharma just gave birth la ur mom last time was like when
seet: 6 years ago
khing: ur youngest sibling 6 years old?
seet: err no 8
khing: huh.

(seet stones)
(seet looks jacked)
(seet gives an awkward chuckle)




anw i came back from jakarta last last week
shali no collating the pictures
so will blog about that once the pictures arrive

why. because.

because rest feels best after work
because water tastes best after a run
because sitting down rocks after racing
because peace in peaceful times is not appreciated

shit happens.
otherwise no contrast.

800m

i just watched my own 800m video
and while its a great video and all
with a great winner who has great style and all
i found the audio
amidst the distracting announcements
quite interesting
here is what i picked out:

[160m] victor: go khing!!

no surprise here
considering only his voice can travel that far

[220m] victor: come on khing!!

again, no surprise

[230m] vishnu: the blue guy is... khing, right?

err... yah...

[234m] seet: of course la... aiyoh... {something something}

at this point there was silence
no doubt seet must have said smtg stupid
maybe like hu hu ha ha

[315m] vishnu: come on AC!
[316m] victor: come on khing come on changming!!
[318-400m] random dispersion of come on khing/ming/ac

[550m] ms.lee: come on keep close changming keep close!

[600m] landdis: changming die already...
[602m] vishnu: aye khing kicking already eh

no la jogging only never see my face contorted in pain

[603m] landdis: khing die already...

no wonder ming and i did well
all his leg pain powers paid off

[690m] xide: GO KHING

[800m] seet: nice one la...

[a few seconds after finishing] someone: come on khing!!!!

track finals the final

and so came the end
the final track finals

Shi Ronghua - 4:23:86
Kenneth Khing - 4:25:93

Khing: wa today ah all i wanted to do was for the first time whack you last part

Hua: wah u damn strong lah i damn scared last part u whack me

Khing: wah lau never whack u before eh

Hua: got what

Khing: when got. u tell me.

Hua thinks
Hua ponders
Hua tries to remember
Hua wonders
rinse and repeat

Hua: you wait ah i think first later sms u

till now it is 1 day 4hours
no sms
haha really never whack him before
somemore kena whack 2 seconds
it can only be ah hua

equation for the day:

P ( Khing is whacked in last 300m) = 1 x 10^(-148951984219842)
P (Khing is whacked in last 300m, t > 1 second) = Shi Ronghua

played out ... reality bites

im just back from church
and i have to share
ignore this if u will
but it could just be for you

for a long while now
i've been a lousy christian
my faith has been left dangling
twisting in the worldly air currents

but at the very least
i knew i had to do smtg abt it
i wanted to get back
and i did try

i went to church
and genuinely tried to feel god again
i went through in my head
what god had done for me in the past
i even joined sp class
hoping that that was the step i had to take
so that i could hear and feel him again
but for too many months
or perhaps it has been a year
it has all come to naught

but in his own way
in his way that is sometimes irritating
cuz it completely fools you
things happen

dancing for god
was for me
just another way of saying dancing
we dance for many reasons
for fame, glory, expression of self
dancing for god
just dancing for god

i've attended the recent rehearsals dilligently
which is actually a very me thing
all i expected to do
was just to do that short dance
make sure i remember the steps
do them well
and do about 4 minutes worth of clubbing

the rehearsals however
had something deeper in store for me
the prayers we had were something different
i finally felt a familiar tingle
a nostalgic feeling
a reminiscent tugging of the heart
i felt again

today as i stood at the back of the hall
bowing my head as always
as the pastor asked for privacy
for ppl to raise their hands to accept christ
i had to for the first time
lift my head because i was part of the production
i saw for the first time in my life
ppl raising their hands to accept jesus
i had to cry
i just had to cry

i always thought i didnt care
abt whether ppl accepted christ or not
but i realize it does
deep down i always wanted to save my friends
today i came to realize
how much it means to me
to see the ppl i care abt
come to say 'jesus is my lord'
today my family didnt come
and there was a reason for that
after the performance i didnt see them
and i was very disappointed
and that told me something
it told me that what i thought
was other ppl's reason to live
is actually mine as well

it matters to me
i now safely say
it matters a hell lot to me
or a heaven lot.

Played Out! - Jason (PC version)

Hello world.
recently i've been pretty busy
amidst the gray adversity known as exams
rehearsing for my church's event on sunday
above is the trailer
in which i played a part in
although u can only see my face for .23 seconds
i assure u the work was far more than 23 minutes

anw
i usually don do this
but i'll say its worth ur time
so do come support
it's at my church's err
(for lack of better vocab) new campus
at paya lebar
directions ask from me
or any friendly LTA henchmen at paya lebar mrt

as u can see i stretched my blog
to accomodate the video
and i shun bian changed the picture above
which everybody complained cldnt be seen

me

Who Am I?

My name is Khing Zhen Ze Kenneth. My friends simply call me Khing. Acquaintances hardly pronounce it right. It is a "hing" with a "k".

I live a lie. To myself, and to everyone else. That is then.

I have grown onto the lie. Or the lie has grown onto me. The lie is now a truth. I live a truth. This is now.

I have friends. I have a girlfriend. I am my girlfriend's boyfriend. I do not have best friends. Nor do I have close friends. I have a family. I have brothers I never had.

To those I do not know; I am scary and unresponsive. To my brothers; I am different. To my girlfriend; I am her boyfriend. To runners around; I am many things - good and bad.

I do not crave attention. Nor do I lust after the tangible material. I seek admiration; fuel for the ego, for the self. I am a solo act. You can see from the things I excel at. I am a team player. My team is my all. You can see from the things I excel at. Some of them.

I like to walk through time. I believe time does not destroy. I know time resolves. I resent that I cannot walk back in time. But i rejoice that time cannot reverse.

I am a philosophical atheist in thinking, a Buddhist in self. But still I am a Christian. I spell God with a capital "G". My faith is firmly in Christ. "Faith is believing that which you cannot see". I believe against what I see. Believing that people walk mainly on hands. That is my value of faith.

I am a complex human. Just like everyone else is. I am no better than the next person. Nor the next person me. But I am better to the people who are better to me. Like the better boyfriend to my better girlfriend. I am Kenneth Khing. Or just plain Khing.

yesterday was essentially a good day for me
firstly, i took part in my first ever
public 100m race
although i wasnt first
it was a first official timing for me
add to the fact
that i did not at first fall of the starting blocks
made it even better
because the first time i tried blocks
i fell on my face literally
so anw it was a good, and first,
return of 11.9 which is not too shabby
for a crosser

where am i going with all the firsts?
of course, i did finish first somewhere
sadly, it wasnt my first
ok not sadly but happily it was my second win
and it quite made my day
cuz there were alot of last minute sign ups
which included some rather fast ppl
instead of the at first (hah!) dull lineup

and finally DE highlight of the day
the other day tham gave me some
unglam, unflattering and embarrassing pictures
of vishnupriya d/o rajkumar
of course, she gave me the
thams up to splatter them on vish
which i did
and because it was so precious
i must blog it in detail:

[Act 1 Scene 1]
setting: black

{vishnu is seen engrossed in conversation}

enter Khing & Victor

{victor stands at a distance and smiles}
{khing sneaks up behind vishnu, pictures in hand}

khing: {taps vish shoulder}
vishnu: yes?
khing: {places pictures infront of her face}

there is a long pause
a storm looms
silence...
more silence...
silent until sian...

vishnu: {screams, chases khing}

exit khing, vishnu

{victor stands at the distance and smiles}

[End of Act 1 Scene 1]

training

if my tagboard is anything to go by
there is the misconception
that i have not been training
i frown upon all u detractors

in a way
i am like david beckham
misunderstood, underrated
and most importantly
handsome

but while my faithful taggers
are suck blood spit people -ing
there is, a slight tinge of truth

just yesterday
the magic quartet of
kevin, xide, seet and i
took part in the mr25 4x11.3k relay
while kien mau n mok combined
to beat us in their 2x22.6k runs with
a 3 min deficit
we nevertheless were victorious
in our category

but the lack of saturday trainings
as caijing has so kindly pointed out
had taken its toll
today i sit here
ashamed that my once
feared shoulder muscles
and ripping back muscles
are now aching from a long run

but i must point out
that yesterday was a 10k pb
and despite the lack of fitness
my 800 is still not too shabby
i am still fast my friends
just as david beckham is still good
and as well, handsome

perhaps for me
it is puberty part2
where i will once again
(pls pls pls pls)
grow muscles faster
(OH PLS MAKE IT TRUE)
and grow taller again

of course the same cannot be said
for beckham
but if it is true
it disturbs me

record pee

today i drank too much water
actually i didnt
just that i didnt pee enough

and so it was
a pee filled bladder i carried
onto a people filled bus
down traffic filled orchard road
and i was only halfway there
east coast was a good 40mins away

at this point
the pee level in my bladder was really high
like my height liddat
(i assure you, that is quite some pee)
but i persevered nonetheless

i alighted at my stop
but did not bother
to hold the pee till i touched home.
recent enlightenment by timmy
revealed that holding back pee for too long
can result, as in his brother's case,
kidney problems.
also, i was held back by memories
memories only 3 or 4 years back
when i awoke on the bus
only to find my dark blue pants
an even darker shade of blue

thus i peed at the bee pee toilet
ok it was mobil
but bee pee sounded punny enough
anw, it was a record pee
from the point the pee
left its holding area
i had time to change track on my mp3
listen almost half the song
used my hand (ONE free hand) to off it
chuck it into my shirt pocket
before the river ceased

bliss it was
and satisfaction
at another record fallen

music

i've a sudden urge all of a sudden
to suddenly talk about
something that has caught me -
suddenly.

recently i've been listening
to quite a bit of my music
recent, and not recent.

while i am not one who checks out
the latest albums and what not
i do check on my comp library
re-check out my old tunes

and this impulse
has led to some sort of temporal craze
and therefore here is my all-time top 10

in order of merit,

1. Tisbury Lane (Mae)
2. The Magic Key (One-T)
3. Kuai Le Chong Bai (Wilber Pan)
4. Just To Be The Next To Be With You (Mr Big)
5. Call And Return (Hellogoodbye)
6. Tao Yan Hong Lou Meng (David Tao)
7. Save Tonight (Eagle Eyed Cherry)
8. Stuck (Stacie Orrico)
9. You Make Me Wanna (Blue)
10. Qia Zham (Some Hokkien Dude)
    

burdens

recently fuiyi pointed out to me
that im constantly carrying alot of stuff
i have my ginormous bag that's bigger than me
with the hweaking big attached shoe bag that sticks out
and then i carry yet another shoe bag
sometimes i have my jacket draped over my shoulder
and of course there is my trusty mp3 player
hanging around my neck
with the cables dangling all over the place

it is a perfect picture
of a man on a mission
my bag could very well
be the sister doraemon pocket
enabling me to whip out whatever i need
whenever i need it
perhaps that is the shoe bag's job;
my bag is meant for me to sleep in
my jacket is actually a well hidden multi-purpose suit
it keeps out rain, wind and doesnt look stained
even if u spill curry on it cuz its dark blue
it keeps in heat, conceals my mp3 player
and not forgetting holding back my ripping muscles =)
what about my mp3 player?
it plays music, man.

but underneath all that i wonder
am i just physically burdened?
tied down not merely just by my earphone's wires?
why am i putting down the thing i enjoy most -
training with my team
for what i never appreciated, such as studying?
afterall i do aspire to be a coach
and it would do me no harm boosting my portfolio

my bag has grown; the books are more
my shoe bag no longer hold my running shoes;
they hold the slippers i wear to go straight home
i do not need a jacket when i run;
but when i throw it around my neck
it reminds me of a strait jacket.
and my mp3 player?
it plays cool tunes, dude.

in the end though i am still me
no one's forcing me to study;
my parents have always adopted
an indifferent attitude
i guess it is down to my ego
for very long now
my ego has kept me going
when my team is not involved.
without it i'll probably
be half as successful as i am now
whether how much that remains
is substantial or not,
is for another day to discuss

but khing is still khing
and khingky i will still be
i will change, make no mistake
stagnation is anti-maturity
but search deep enough
and you will still find khing

magic

sometime in the middle of january 2002
i was forced from track into cross-country
to me it sounded like some lame cca
of which i found very much contrary to in the weeks that followed
it wrecked your legs and wasted them
inflicted indescribable pain to your muscles
tormented your lungs and twisted your nerves
it wasnt lame. it made u lame.

bad jokes aside, i hated it
there was no sense running your guts out
putting them back in
and running them all out again
(rinse and repeat)

but time after time
bongard forced me back
it was a blatant use of terror
like in chinese history where chiang had his white terror
i trained on sheer fear alone
but that fear would one day wear out
it would one day not sustain
this overwhelming pain that is cross-country
soon, my fear disintegrated
and in its place, something,
and a false love for running

why false, one may ask?
for one, i still dislike long runs
i still want to quit when the going gets tough
and i loathe perspiring

what was definite was that i wanted to train
i looked forward to trainings
i just wanted to be there

it took long enough for me to realize
what that something was
i came to realize
that running did not take centre stage
it was something else
it was something that put the acX
into acXperience
it was somebody
it was somebodies

it was my team
it is my team
it will always be my team.

in life, people often remark
"time pass very fast lei"
but somehow, it never was so for me
it wasnt as if i had a tough life or anything
i consider my life rather smooth sailing
but somehow, everything was slow
only acX sped things up
and more than that, it saved my life
it happened in july 2004
but that is another story for another time
my upcoming baptism perhaps

it has been a magical 6 years
through this journey
down this road
down this "path less taken"
in a magic school bus

last wednesday
our time for running cross-country came to an end
but to this team
we have no end
as seet put it
"we are the champions, my friend"
not in the title sense though that would have been nice
but in that we have come away from it all
with the full acXperience -
the pain, the euphoria, the depression,
the joy, the laughs, the tears,
the times, the team and the memories...
they are all ours to keep

- to kevin ng
you will always be the captain. my captain. you never had the chance to lead this team to victory, only agonizingly close far too many times. but that doesn't matter, it really doesn't. i have come to see that. you are my captain, and you have made it so. and that is enough. being jackasses, sadly or not, is perhaps the hallmark of our batch. perhaps we were not meant to win titles. but i cherish what we have, and i hold dear to my heart. i bid you love this team for as long as you know love, and between all of us, may that love come to something. something good that must come from love, no darkness.

-to low xide
for the longest while, you've failed to believe. believe in something you couldn't do. you said to me that you're the little mixture of everything and that may well be true. but you have grit in abundance. a little more faith, a little more determination. i wish i had more of those. for years i've seen you, i see the same will emanating from you. but more than before, this season for you was unbelievable. yours is what mental strength is supposed to be, even if u do undermine yourself. unbelievable. but you didn't believe that as well. perhaps you rarely believe. but believe today, that this team will not fade away, weathered by time. believe, dear brother (that i never had), and make it so. it is ours to keep, more important it will be ours to make. the bells will only ring for he who believes, and i have believed. the ball, as they say, is in your court. ball. hah.

-to kenneth seet
too many times, we wish there was an end task or a shut down to you. we longed to see not responding in brackets on your forehead. but all those were not meant to be. but in a wicked, sick and twisted sort of way, i'm glad they didn't. i remember a cross meeting that took place at the end of sec3 when you were still new, not irritating and somehow rather proper. what you said reverberated throughout my entire running career and always helped me to believe in what i was doing, kept me going and going with this team, forever etched in the depths of my heart. after a few weeks of training, you said "i feel there is a bond in this team that i never saw elsewhere before. it feels special and that's what keeps me going". perhaps that still keeps you going as it has kept me. i pray that it will bring us beyond where we are, and where we could possibly imagine. i pray i will not hit the cltr+alt+delete so rapidly when the time comes. but i probably will.

-to benjamin lee changming
i felt that for some time now, you've been somewhat neglected. i dunno if you've felt it, but somehow i feel so. there wasn't reason to; both you and i know that we pwn kevin ng hands down at 800 and 1500 and that the taunting between us is the real deal. well perhaps it was down to quietness. there never was much noise coming from you. but somewhere somehow someway, at least, i began to sit up and take note. i don't know when it started, but i heard something. i recalled seb telling me that you were a fighter. not easy to see but it does come out when you take to running. i saw, and realized it was true. i began to hear something. something resonated in me. i still search for what it is, but i do know it is something we share in common and i can readily relate to. i want to relate to it and so to you. and hopefully this search will stretch way after i leave school and beyond the army camp (where you don't have to go).

-to victor tan
you know how you've done so far in terms of running. and i'm sure you're not happy with it. but keep at it (though not too much) and eventually you'll get your top5. people may say you have no talent, but i want you to remember that i say talent is make believe. we make it because we believe, and so can you. apart from that, you do make a difference, running nats or not. you bring an extra quality to the team (like nipple bleeding) that is special and unique in itself. this is the same thing xide and i told you one training last year, and you must remember that. because after all, the great runners form not the team, for our team make great the runners.

-to sebastian koh
one fine champion. one fine team. a strong bond. one single dream. i've always loved that poem you wrote. not just because of all the literary devices and what not, but for the fact that it epitomizes my feelings towards this team. it's yours to lead now as we leave and go. and i hope you will uphold the words in your poem and keep this team burning for very long to come. i am always afraid that we will take the ess(s)ence of acX with us as we leave, and it will be my greatest joy, if you can extend it to the future generations. it is all in your hands now, and i am sure it is in good hands. make it so, and where appropriate next season, make believe, and make belief come true.



for the rest whom i've not mentioned
i do not know you enough
to write something i really mean
but hopefully come the years
i can truly say that i am proud of u all
this team we leave with you now
must prosper in its own right
and that may not come in the form of titles
but should be in the way of that something
something that perhaps
no one really put into words
and is really for you to feel and fathom