me

i've just been reading some of my older entries
i really miss the old me
i cannot find that khing in the mirror nowadays
i cannot see that spark in my eyes anymore

i remember bongard telling me that one training
and it reverberated in me so strongly
"you've lost that spark in your eyes"
i was a failure then
but i picked up again thereafter
i know how i did it

i need god
i need the love of my life to come back from china
i need acx

i need all these things to fall into place
i need the old khing to come back
i need that arrogant confidence,
the positiveness
the strength
but of course the looks have remained
i still stun myself when i look in the mirror
i wished i still could make more jokes like that
like the old me would
like the old me would say it isn't a joke
i'm not so sure now