camp

just had church camp on tues-fri
i still dont like games
and into the first 2 days
the games were wrecking camp for me...

i learnt that god's plans take time
i have heard it before
but never registered
it has been preached before
but because i have never experienced
they remained just preaching to me
i also learned a disdain for words
preaching wouldnt work
if they were just merely the words of a pastor
there needs to be something more
and on day 3
something more happened

the last camp was a disaster for me
god dissipated from my life
i no longer heard nor saw
no longer felt nor thought about
but life was successful
everything was smooth
i got more than i deserved
so life was good
but on day 3 the dissipation reversed
and i realized how much
even with a good life
i missed god
i cried my face out

is your life good today?
can it get any better?

standard chartered

this morning i ran the stand chart 10k
but the focus here isn't the race but
rather what happened after
i was completely wasted
and feeling weak, cold
and the bad feelings get-able
it got worse and i thought i was gonna die
of course that was far from what was happening
the point is at that time it did feel so

and laying there almost motionless
i wondered to myself what happens next
some tears will be shed here and there i guess
or hope, at least
then i realised i wouldn't want any
if i died, i wanted those who cried to know something

that i died happy
i died doing what i loved to do
and let tears cease to fall
i'd pick dropping dead at 3 per k pace
over dying in my sleep peacefully at 83

true, i ran myself to death
but running made me live
i learned so much from running
and quite literally,
running kept me alive
my team mates kept me alive
and so much more would have turned out badly
if i never ran

i thought to myself as i laid there
if i were to die
someone should know this
now you know


on another note
my recent entries have been more
like contemplative and reflective
must be the result of reading the glass bead game
and the lack of training with the team
and being runaround idiots
i will wake up for training

promise

...as he saw it coming. A promise. All around him, voices rang high, sounding out a final anthem in deep nostalgia, as if their spirits looked long and hard over their shoulders. A few tears peeped out of the corners of eyes. The chorus reverberated once again, and it seemed the many voices entwined into one. There was a resonance. A resonance he did not share. A promise he took no part of.

His voice stood apart from the rest, staring listlessly as the myriad of colors twisted into a spire, dancing to the rhythm of fire. Embers swept across the hall with walls that changed colors, destroying the past, forging a future. But for him the destruction was a welcome one. Promise nothing to him.

Cherish, not cherish the lost. For him he felt no such longing. He treasured and rubbished according to his valuation of the things and people around him, not according to the possession of them.

Now onwards he holds his dreams. Into the distance his goals are blur, and others claim them vaguer still. But others were them who imposed their own beings on his own, who took a consensus to live the way that they have lived. He holds a jewel that no one sees in the palm of his hands, believing by faith that it will ever stay, and into the fog he will tread a path, he will take the road not taken... as he always saw it going.