magic

sometime in the middle of january 2002
i was forced from track into cross-country
to me it sounded like some lame cca
of which i found very much contrary to in the weeks that followed
it wrecked your legs and wasted them
inflicted indescribable pain to your muscles
tormented your lungs and twisted your nerves
it wasnt lame. it made u lame.

bad jokes aside, i hated it
there was no sense running your guts out
putting them back in
and running them all out again
(rinse and repeat)

but time after time
bongard forced me back
it was a blatant use of terror
like in chinese history where chiang had his white terror
i trained on sheer fear alone
but that fear would one day wear out
it would one day not sustain
this overwhelming pain that is cross-country
soon, my fear disintegrated
and in its place, something,
and a false love for running

why false, one may ask?
for one, i still dislike long runs
i still want to quit when the going gets tough
and i loathe perspiring

what was definite was that i wanted to train
i looked forward to trainings
i just wanted to be there

it took long enough for me to realize
what that something was
i came to realize
that running did not take centre stage
it was something else
it was something that put the acX
into acXperience
it was somebody
it was somebodies

it was my team
it is my team
it will always be my team.

in life, people often remark
"time pass very fast lei"
but somehow, it never was so for me
it wasnt as if i had a tough life or anything
i consider my life rather smooth sailing
but somehow, everything was slow
only acX sped things up
and more than that, it saved my life
it happened in july 2004
but that is another story for another time
my upcoming baptism perhaps

it has been a magical 6 years
through this journey
down this road
down this "path less taken"
in a magic school bus

last wednesday
our time for running cross-country came to an end
but to this team
we have no end
as seet put it
"we are the champions, my friend"
not in the title sense though that would have been nice
but in that we have come away from it all
with the full acXperience -
the pain, the euphoria, the depression,
the joy, the laughs, the tears,
the times, the team and the memories...
they are all ours to keep

- to kevin ng
you will always be the captain. my captain. you never had the chance to lead this team to victory, only agonizingly close far too many times. but that doesn't matter, it really doesn't. i have come to see that. you are my captain, and you have made it so. and that is enough. being jackasses, sadly or not, is perhaps the hallmark of our batch. perhaps we were not meant to win titles. but i cherish what we have, and i hold dear to my heart. i bid you love this team for as long as you know love, and between all of us, may that love come to something. something good that must come from love, no darkness.

-to low xide
for the longest while, you've failed to believe. believe in something you couldn't do. you said to me that you're the little mixture of everything and that may well be true. but you have grit in abundance. a little more faith, a little more determination. i wish i had more of those. for years i've seen you, i see the same will emanating from you. but more than before, this season for you was unbelievable. yours is what mental strength is supposed to be, even if u do undermine yourself. unbelievable. but you didn't believe that as well. perhaps you rarely believe. but believe today, that this team will not fade away, weathered by time. believe, dear brother (that i never had), and make it so. it is ours to keep, more important it will be ours to make. the bells will only ring for he who believes, and i have believed. the ball, as they say, is in your court. ball. hah.

-to kenneth seet
too many times, we wish there was an end task or a shut down to you. we longed to see not responding in brackets on your forehead. but all those were not meant to be. but in a wicked, sick and twisted sort of way, i'm glad they didn't. i remember a cross meeting that took place at the end of sec3 when you were still new, not irritating and somehow rather proper. what you said reverberated throughout my entire running career and always helped me to believe in what i was doing, kept me going and going with this team, forever etched in the depths of my heart. after a few weeks of training, you said "i feel there is a bond in this team that i never saw elsewhere before. it feels special and that's what keeps me going". perhaps that still keeps you going as it has kept me. i pray that it will bring us beyond where we are, and where we could possibly imagine. i pray i will not hit the cltr+alt+delete so rapidly when the time comes. but i probably will.

-to benjamin lee changming
i felt that for some time now, you've been somewhat neglected. i dunno if you've felt it, but somehow i feel so. there wasn't reason to; both you and i know that we pwn kevin ng hands down at 800 and 1500 and that the taunting between us is the real deal. well perhaps it was down to quietness. there never was much noise coming from you. but somewhere somehow someway, at least, i began to sit up and take note. i don't know when it started, but i heard something. i recalled seb telling me that you were a fighter. not easy to see but it does come out when you take to running. i saw, and realized it was true. i began to hear something. something resonated in me. i still search for what it is, but i do know it is something we share in common and i can readily relate to. i want to relate to it and so to you. and hopefully this search will stretch way after i leave school and beyond the army camp (where you don't have to go).

-to victor tan
you know how you've done so far in terms of running. and i'm sure you're not happy with it. but keep at it (though not too much) and eventually you'll get your top5. people may say you have no talent, but i want you to remember that i say talent is make believe. we make it because we believe, and so can you. apart from that, you do make a difference, running nats or not. you bring an extra quality to the team (like nipple bleeding) that is special and unique in itself. this is the same thing xide and i told you one training last year, and you must remember that. because after all, the great runners form not the team, for our team make great the runners.

-to sebastian koh
one fine champion. one fine team. a strong bond. one single dream. i've always loved that poem you wrote. not just because of all the literary devices and what not, but for the fact that it epitomizes my feelings towards this team. it's yours to lead now as we leave and go. and i hope you will uphold the words in your poem and keep this team burning for very long to come. i am always afraid that we will take the ess(s)ence of acX with us as we leave, and it will be my greatest joy, if you can extend it to the future generations. it is all in your hands now, and i am sure it is in good hands. make it so, and where appropriate next season, make believe, and make belief come true.



for the rest whom i've not mentioned
i do not know you enough
to write something i really mean
but hopefully come the years
i can truly say that i am proud of u all
this team we leave with you now
must prosper in its own right
and that may not come in the form of titles
but should be in the way of that something
something that perhaps
no one really put into words
and is really for you to feel and fathom